Episode 49: FANTASY ✨⚔️
SEXUAL FANTASIES!!! COMMUNICATION!!! Welcome to oversharing with your host Olivia Wade!!! THE 4 AGREEMENTS!!! You name it, I’ve done it!!! I’m the worrier, the prepare-for-the-worster!!! CONSISTENCY!!! BITCH RUNNNNN!!! SPIRITUAL PRACTICE!! I AM NOW A MASTER OF… SOMETHING?!!! SLOWLY GENTLY!!! The most monotonous horror movie ever… REIKI!!! SPOONS!! FIREFLY!!! & couples must exist in a shared reality.
Excerpt 1:
“Alright, so spoons…..
They are really useful…. Like for soup you know?
Ok well since I apparently have nothing else I can think of about spoons. Let’s talk about fantasy. My all-time favorite fantasy tv show is Firefly. I’ve seen it more times than I can count, someone once proposed to me while listing to me recite the entire first episode of it practically verbatim. It’s practically half of my personality at this point. Anyways, so fantasy. Alright alright, all of that was just me trying not to get to the point.
So there’s something I’ve identified lately that I think is an essential part of partnership. And that is the ability for a couple to exist within a shared reality, or a shared fantasy. Think for instance back on a time you shared with someone you loved deeply, maybe it was a Sunday morning, you were making coffee, still in your nightgown or PJs, for me it’s a kimono, and someone’s making coffee, and there’s a beautiful song playing over the speaker nearby, and your dancing in the kitchen wrapped in each other’s arms, and you’re wrapped up in this warm little world, that’s all yours, and no one else on earth matters at that moment, its just this shared sense of home in the world that you create together.
And this spills out into the realm of fantasy, if you truly love someone, you’re going to be lit up, by what they find sexy, well most of the time, we can’t all be completely perfectly matched, that wouldn’t be any fun.
So how do we work through those moments of contention, when those shared fantasies or realities don’t match up, or when one or the other person in the party doesn’t share in the same proclivity. Well, you start by being honest about it, duhhh. And then it’s all about the 2nd agreement. Think don Miguel Ruiz, we love him. Remember The 4 Agreements? Well, I do.
The 4 Agreements are:
Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word. (basically be honest)
Agreement 2: Don't Take Anything Personally. (This is the one we’re paying attention to here!)
Agreement 3: Don't Make Assumptions. (Ohh that one works too…)
Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best. (Ok, they all work. Use the 4 agreements people…)
So first be honest, and then the 2nd agreement, “never take anything personally.” And then it’s just about trying to find that shared reality again, without putting shame on either person. That’s the important part here.
And one thing I have encountered, and continue to encounter, is that the level of intimacy I crave is a hard place for people to go. I mean try to get me to name what I’m feeling, and I’m the world’s cagiest person, I mean you have to be willing to go spelunking to get things out of me sometimes. But when it comes to sex, I’m here for the drama, here for the taking your time, here for the moments where I see your soul, here for the passion, and the depth, the sheer depth of what is possible in the meeting of souls inhabiting bodies. I’m here to slowly make love to the whole universe. My wildest fantasies have me dripping in oil covered in red silk in a rose garden in the summer in full bloom while the fireflies dance, and citronella candles burn. My wildest fantasies are uncomfortably intimate, snappily romantic, totally epically connected. And unfortunately, that’s a kind of love, a kind of trust that can only be built with time. And if I’m ever going to have that I have to be willing to be emotionally vulnerable too. To delve into a shared reality, and see what treasures it might hold. But that’s all a story for another time.
I’m seriously getting ahead of myself here.
So anyways because I’m feeling extra dramatic, and ughh wow. What has gotten into me lately? Here is Big Sur by David Wax Museum followed by Watercolor Eyes, by Lana Del Rey. Silky sweet, dripping in sentiment. Look at me, always giving away more than I mean to. It’s a 49 episode long pattern folks. And we ain’t about to stop now, and by we I mean me. Welcome to overhearing with your host Olivia wade.”
Excerpt 2:
“Anyways, let’s talk about desire…
You know what I used to crave. Well, you guessed it! A whole lot of things that were really bad for me! That’s why they call us addicts. We just can’t quit it even if it’s ruining us. And oof I can think of a lot of things that fall into that category for me. Not the least of which is one human that comes to mind, and boy I just couldn’t quit her, even though it was clearly bad for me. The longest I’ve ever “stayed in bed” was from 8 am to 5 pm at which point I finally came up gasping for air whisky and a whole package of bacon. But y’all remember that story. And sitting with desire unsatisfied can be almost painful, but in Tantra, we are focused more on creating pleasure consciousness. On finding pleasure in everything, a soft warm blanket, a cup of tea, warm water around my body. Because if you remember our creative energy is our sexual energy, they emanate from the same source. Your fire, your passion directly affect your ability to manifest your visions into a reality. So when we cultivate this kind of consciousness desire grows and grows. It is held in the body, it heals the body, bringing it back to balance, fueling you if you will. And my partner recently made a very very apt observation that the practice was working me. They exclaimed, “Oh my gosh, it’s working, it’s bringing up all of this stuff for you to let go of, it’s transmuting you, transforming you.” And that’s the beauty of having a clear and brilliant mirror, they see the things that you miss. They remind you that it’s all a part of the process, the worries the feelings the deepening the expansion. And help you find those moments where finally there is a purpose, for all of the work that seems constant, even sometimes harrowing. Because YOU’RE DOING THE THING BABY. And it’s called developing awareness for a reason. Because it unfolds, there are facets and blocks and moments we come to where everything for a moment feels ohh so crunchy. But if we are able to move through it, without running away from it, we go deeper, we get deeper. And we gain access to more power to create, more power to master. And believe you me, I want to live my dreams, not just sit as a passive observer. I’m gonna fly that plane someday.
But the catch here, remember is that where your attention goes energy flows. So we are called, back, time and time again, into this awareness of pleasure. Because, if the focus of my life is on pleasure on healing on expansion, then I will find more of that. Like attracts like and all. And I can tell you, having been to some seriously dark places in my life, that we absolutely attract what we put out, and I’ve attracted some serious pain, people in serious pain to me, people who wanted me to come down into their suffering and drama with them, and would do anything to bring me there. So it is important to remember that gratitude, pleasure, playfulness, thoughtfulness will attract more of the same. Why not focus on that? Could there ever have been a better argument for good sex? I think not! Go heal thyself!”
