TENDING!!! LIVING ALONE!!! Budgeting, GROAN!!! PLANNING THE FUTURE!!! MEDITATION!!! VIDEO GAMES!!! WHAT DO I WANT?!?! LETTING GO!!! A FALSE PERSONA OF ME!!! & Sometimes, I feel like I am getting saner by the day until I accidentally spend 4 days alone in my house and start talking to the walls about what I’m making for dinner.

Yes, this is it, everything, stripped down, and as vulnerable as possible. AN EXCESSIVE AMOUNT OF BAD POETRY!!! OLIVIA CRINGING AT HERSELF!!! EGGS!! DADDY ISSUES!!! BOOKS!!! LAND ROVER GREEN!!! CLICHES ON CLICHES!!! MAYBE A LITTLE TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE I RECORDED & PUBLISHED THIS, DEAR LORD!!! & WELL IT’S TOO LATE NOW!!!

I sat with my demons and ate a brownie. Come on in, I’ve been expecting you. MY SAHMAN!!! THE TAROT!!! SEX & DEATH!! Some CATHOLIC sprinkled on in there… irreverently!!! THE ELEMENTS!!! TRASH MUSIC!!! WILLOW!!! WHY AM I DOING THIS!!! GOD CALLS, I ANSWER!!! ONE SINGULAR SHINING BLADE!!! THE MOST CERTAIN!!! EVERYTHING IS A DISTRACTION!!! SILENCE!!! WARM CORN!!! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!! ONLY TRUE NERDS WILL GET THAT REFERENCE!!! TEMPERED & HONED!!! THE QUEEN OF CUPS IS A SCORPIO!!! & I climbed naked, you know like Tarzan, down a rope to the bottom of a waterfall…

I sat on my floor, which you will notice is a theme. ALIENS!!! GUNS!!! A HIGH-POWERED DYSON VACUUM!!! THE HORRORS!!! God dam that’s a hot mess, that’s a dumpster fire… THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN or THE FAMILIAR COMFORT OF COMPLACENCY?!?! SPLAT!!! Bad Poetry!!! MY EX!!! WHAT IF?!?! & like really? brain? This is the channel we are going to be on? Um, how about, no.

Welcome to the last period of Scorpio full moon lunar eclipse mercury is in catastrophe again & Venus & Neptune straight up ditched to smoke some weed on top of Baldwin Hill… which is like a thing in the Berkshires & thank you very much for the literal universal hazing... & could I please, pretty please, have a pony, some really good sex, 3 copies of A Streetcar Named Desire, in the original print, some warm lentil & tomato dhal, a bouquet of lilacs, a long drive in someone else’s truck with my feet hanging out the window on the passenger side & the speakers blaring some epic electronic beat-dropping-base-heavy number while we drive to absolutely nowhere.

A TOTAL OF ZERO LOVERS!!! Warm presence!!! THE UNIVERSE TAKING ME TO LITERALLY!!! 10 LONG YEARS!!! A room the size of a closet!!! MELODRAMA!!! THE SPARK!!! COMPASSION!!! FRACTURED SUNBEAMS!!! & everyone around us remarked they had never felt a love like ours. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS?!?! WHYYYYY?!? & I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!!

DRAMA!!! NOT HEALTHY!!! THROW IT IN REVERSE!!! ILLUSIONS!!! A VAGUE WHISPER OF CONTROL!!! SO QUIET!!! Leonardo da Vinci!!! TIBETAN PRAYER FLAGS!!! A TORNADO OF WINGS!!! ENERGY ELECTRIC!!! RUINS!!! & nostalgia traps me often in more moments than I would like to admit… god damn you and your shoulders. God damn you ruining everyone else for me. God damn you being the brightest thing in the world. God damn you and your unusual way of being. I am never without it. I carry your heart with me [I carry it in my heart]. I am never without it. And if I could wish it reversed backward, could I undo our hands bound by an EE Cummings poem? Conjecture. But not likely. Maybe I should give up. Maybe I have done searching. Maybe that was it. Had my loves. They were extraordinary. And nothing more.

Ahhh, how to fall in love with the world again? ROADMAPS!!! A COMPASS!!! OR, HOPEFULLY, NON-ABRASIVE GPS VOICE GUIDANCE!!! THE TRULY VIBRANTLY ALIVE!!! WE BELONG HERE!!! A 1970’s MOTORCYCLE!!! 12 OYSTERS!!! AN INTERVIEW WITH MYSELF!!! NONE OF IT IS LOST!!! & I will remember this time. I will.

LETS GOOOOOO!!!! WE ARE IN SAFE HARBOR HOURS NOW!!!! JUST SURROUND SOUND BY JID on repeat AND ME SCREAMING INTERMITTENTLY FOR AN HOUR!!! (no, but really, I do play a song twice so have fun)!!! ANARCHY!!! Queer politics…....... !!!!! EPIC TINDER AWKWARDNESS!!! THE DEEP MURKY PSYCHIC TORTURE!!! FIXING YOUR SHIT!!! WE ARE USING EACH OTHER!! & HALLUCINOGENS!!!

UNDER MY SKIN!!! IT’S GONNA BE GREAT. THEY’RE GONNA LOVE IT!!! THE ONE (yes, like that)!!! Everything is on fire, and there are 10 tickets on the line!!! A PILE OF BRICKS FROM THE HEAVENS!! THE CRACKS IN MY PSYCHE!! THE SAME LINOLEUM FLOORS!!! NIGHTS SOAKED IN WHISKY & AMARO!!! & she did something to me…. I was young, ravenous, insatiable, consumed.

MUSHROOMS (no, not that kind)!!! CHINESE MEDICINE!!! BUT I AM NOT A BEGGAR; I CAN HEAR YOU SAY!!! VIDEO GAMES AS A TOOL!!! ANXIETY!!! MACROBIOTICS!!! BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS!!! MY SOLD-OUT WORKSHOP!!! ECKHART TOLLE!!! A BIRD CALLED SNOW!! THE LITERAL SKELETON IN MY BASEMENT!!! & I was born into beautiful chaos. Into a city of lights, into a world of madness and intensity.

WORSE THAN A LIFETIME MOVE!!! SACRED & INSANE!!! THE DEEP END!!! LOTS OF MUSIC (again...)!!! SO MUCH RAGE AND JOY!!! DO YOU WANT SOLUTIONS OR SUPPORT RIGHT NOW?!?! CONSENT!!! TANTRA!!! ALL MY FAVORITE HUMANS!! DE-CENTERED AWARENESS!!! YOU CREATE YOUR REALITY & my clients are the bravest people I have ever met.

EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY AS YOU THINK IT IS!!! CONNECTICUT!!! RITUAL!!! MAGIC!!! THE DULCET BARKING OF MY DOG WILLOW!!! THE RETURN OF NO COINCIDENCES!!! THE SOUL OF THE WORLD!!! THE HEART IS A COMPAS!!! CREATION AS A FORM OF REALITY!!! & A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE

Some REALLY cringe-worthy music!!! SEXCAPADES!!! FRENCH SURREALIST ART!!! ROM-COMS!!! THE GODS ARE CRAZY!!! THE STARS ARE BLIND!!! MORE BAD MUSIC!! YOU HAVE LEARNED TO PLAY THE VIOLIN!! SOME SHIT ABOUT MY WORK THAT I'M PROUD OF!!! TWEEN OLIVIA SCREAMS AND JUMPS UP AND DOWN IN THE CORNER!!! & real love baby…

PSYCH I DON’T TALK ABOUT ANY OF THEM!! NON-NEGOTIABLE!!!COMPARTMENTALIZATION!!! DISILLUSION!!! COOL, LET'S GOOOO!!!! MAKE NO SUDDEN MOVES!!! LOTS OF CHANGE!!! THE DOBLER-DAHMER THEORY!! SIMPLICITY OVER EVERYTHING!!! I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING!!! THE SAME 4 WALLS!!! & I’m back this time for good.

360 DAYS STRAIGHT!!! MAYBE A GOOD LONG HUG WILL FIX IT!!! This is me, over here, in my lane… A WEEKEND THAT DIDN’T NEED TO HAPPEN!!! Or do we jump in a pit of ACTUAL DRAGONS!!! DELUSIONAL OPTIMISM!!! & I AM FAILING.

COMMUNING WITH GOD!!! MAYBE I’LL JUST END UP ALONE!?!? SUNFLOWERS!!! 5 YEAR PLANS!!! COOL, TAKE MY MONEY!!! THE POGUES!!! JUST BE WITH THAT!!! 0% SEX!!! I WAS NOT SIMPLE OR PEACEFUL!!! THE IDEAL RELATIONSHIP!!! & FOLKS WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!? Ohhhh, early childhood developmental trauma…. Makes sense.

A TWO-DAY-LONG BACCHANALIAN SEX PARTY!!! MY FAVORITE HUMANS!!! A list of really unsexy words in a very sexy voice!!! SOME STEAMY ROMANTIC TRYSTS!!! PURE RAW CHEMISTRY!!! BATS!!! THE MASS EZ PASS HOLD MUSIC!!! I EAT BOYS LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST?!? More like women this week, but ok (ohh god did I really just say that) & I mean it’s ridiculously awkward, uncomfortable, and a little steamy... what else were you expecting from the 69th episode?

NO POTENTIAL!!! GOD DAMN BRISKET!!! PEELING MYSELF OUT OF BED!!! THE ETERNAL OPTIMIST (aren’t you sick of her yet)!!! THIS SHIT IS HARD!!! CULT LEADER!!! THE PARADOX OF CHOICE VS DESTINY!!! MAYBE THIS IS NOT ALL PART OF SOME EPIC LOVE STORY!!! & I mean I’m one chocolate cake away from recording this show in the bath while crying and chain-smoking Marlboro 27s…. Folks. I’m like a bad Bukowski novel but without all the booze…

THE BERKSHIRE SHUFFLE (AKA the dating scene)!!! THE BOILER ROOM!!!! ONE HELL OF A WEEK!!! THE KITCHEN FLOOR!!! SOMETIMES LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH (the most fun sentence ever)!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME (and literally an episode where I describe one day at a time) I GOT MY MOJO BACK!!! SO MANY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!! REDEMPTION!!! THIS IS NOT YOUR PERSON (in capital letters) THE UNIVERSE SCREAMING AT ME (so fun)!! Some really bad jokes & Some dope music.