Episode 87: Scorpios, Kissing & Full-Frontal Nudity

I sat with my demons and ate a brownie. Come on in, I’ve been expecting you. MY SAHMAN!!! THE TAROT!!! SEX & DEATH!! Some CATHOLIC sprinkled on in there… irreverently!!! THE ELEMENTS!!! TRASH MUSIC!!! WILLOW!!! WHY AM I DOING THIS!!! GOD CALLS, I ANSWER!!! ONE SINGULAR SHINING BLADE!!! THE MOST CERTAIN!!! EVERYTHING IS A DISTRACTION!!! SILENCE!!! WARM CORN!!! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!! ONLY TRUE NERDS WILL GET THAT REFERENCE!!! TEMPERED & HONED!!! THE QUEEN OF CUPS IS A SCORPIO!!! & I climbed naked, you know like Tarzan, down a rope to the bottom of a waterfall…

Excerpt 1:

“The crickets or cicadas maybe are loud, the air is crisp it smells like fall creeping in. Willow sits with her paws hanging over the door that leads to the deck, which sits out over the second story (or technically first story of my apartment) the door is open and I am sitting on the porch. The music falls out of the open door. Charlie Cunningham, Permanent Way, Alan Rayman, Road Warrior, throwbacks to last fall which somehow feels like yesterday. Today I hung new prayer flags. I watered the sunflowers. I hung a hummingbird feeder. I got a bird bath and put it out on the porch. I filled the bird feeders. I responded to all of my emails. I bought a linen jumpsuit and a linen scarf. I cooked dinner for a friend. And they are gone and home and headed to bed. And today there is no loneliness. Today there is space. And what a marked difference that is. Space versus loneliness. They are so close they could kiss and yet they are so different. On my wall in the kitchen hangs a giant painting of me, as an angel with her chest exploding red and orange and the fire and light reflected held in her hand outstretched. A painting done by someone I used to live with, of a dream I had where I grew a giant pair of wings and levitated into the air and my chest exploded with light and all of the sorrow and joy of being taken into my body by a thousand people dying. It was quite a dream. And it’s quite a painting all 5 by 6 feet of it covering my kitchen wall. There are sunflowers and roses in the vase on the table and my desk. Food and water left for the spirits on my altar in the corner by the fire. And for a brief moment in time. Life collapses in on itself. Remembering the woman I used to be. The woman I am now. The spaces in between. Calling to the hummingbirds. I am always calling to the hummingbirds.”

Excerpt 2:

“And ohhhhhh my god their lips. Like you know when someone is that attractive you just kind of subconsciously assume they must not be the greatest kisser because of course no one ever told them they didn’t know how to kiss because they are just so attractive because of course they have just existed in a bubble and no one has ever told them. Well (much to my chagrin). They knew how to kiss. Let me tell you. So much so that I almost dropped my guard and slept with them. But I didn’t. I did however appreciate deeply how cued in they were to my body, they could feel my nerves, and stayed solid to calm them, moved at my pace. Took cues from me. They did good. Really good. And I’m picky. And have you ever kissed someone who smells like warm corn? (Olivia laughs awkwardly at herself) Well, it’s pretty great… And then off they went back into the night back to the city. But not before I dropped this line on them before they left the door by accident, “You better leave before I tear all of your clothes off.” they looked at me, bit their lip, turned around, and went… “I gotta go.” And who knows if we will ever sleep together, but I can tell you right now, it will be good. I know these things.

Now one little thing I’ve omitted. Maybe on purpose… is that I may have...”