Episode 22: El Regreso de la Gran Energía de la Fe…

OLIVIA KINDOF RAP-POEMS OVER SOME NUEVO FLAMENCO, IT’S WEIRD BUT COOL… making love to the universe, lots of spanish, placing presence, intention, PICANTE PERO SABROSO.

EXCERPT:

On this episode of careful what you witch for… I mean oops sorry. Just like yeah. When you put something out into the universe sometimes it RISES TO MEET YOU (pun intended). So… I think, it’s time again, for some big faith energy. Because you know what? When you truly step away from situations and places where your energy isn’t wanted, or you let go fully of something that isn’t serving you, or wasn’t meant for you, or when you draw a boundary… The universe antes up, and levels up the playing field - and says, “Here. Have a FUCKTON of beautiful crazy wild sensual yummy wonderful stuff, why don’t you.” And then you get to be fully present for it. I mean, on fire present, wholly in your experience of every moment. 

And I have to say… No matter how rough the going gets - no matter how rocky the road - I always find my way home. Again and again. Just the way I always find my way to your lips, and your lips, and your lips. Just the way I always find my way to my peace. Just the way I always find a softer way to love. Just the way the universe expands outside of me, and inside of me.

This week, the universe reached out it’s arms and held me: in the form of old lovers, and newness, longing and delicious food. And showered me with gifts on the wings of friends and playmates. And deep connections, and radical laughter, and dance and music and song. 

I mean folks, really, I am not exaggerating here. In fact I’m under exaggerating. Underzaggerating if you will. To say it’s been a wild week, would be an understatement. And my heart, ohhhhh my heart, doesn’t even know what to make of itself. I mean really it’s like the worlds messiest happiest most confusing kitchen. 

Do I have the capacity to hold it all? To stay present in every moment, the answer is hopefully yes. Yes a thousand times yes. Maybe Jane Austin wrote that once. And she may have been on to something there. 

It turns out, that love really is all around me.

I think sometimes we forget… that when we pray, often our prayers are answered. Just not the way we think they will be. 

And often I forget, because I can be HELLA DUMB, that I’m actually living inside a prayer I once offered up. That my beautiful office, my meaningful work, my peace and quiet, and my boundless loves, are all things I prayed for as I lay dying. Is it what I imagined? No. I mean yes! Because I had to have imagined it to have created it. But it’s beyond my wildest dreams. I mean y’all they weren’t all that wild. Let’s be real. But I mean WOW. 14 years ago, I fell in love with a person I thought would never hold me, never look at me in that beautiful way. And here I am, resting in it. Like I have so many times before. Life’s funny like that. You know? It’s a long game. Because time isn’t linear - but we are in some respects. And I’ve seen enough of it by now to believe in fate. Some things I knew in my bones before they ever found me. Or I them. And sometimes that knowing, that vision, did not come to pass for many years…

But it did because I allowed it. I created enough space inside of myself to hold it when it finally came to me: softly, without resistance. 

Ask yourself.
Really ask yourself. What part of the life I am living now is a prayer being answered? Even if it was just to have more space and time to connect with myself. That is enough. 

And as Meister Eckhart says,

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” 

This is my religion.

This is my god. 

And I am humbled by it daily. 

So in honor of the fact that this is all a dance - a divinely choreographed one - and I seem to have found the rhythm again, my quickened heartbeat, the fire running through my veins... 

Here’s to more big faith energy. Because when we let go, and allow - bask, and are curious - we often find so much more than we bargained for. And every heartache, every day of suffering, I thank, for bringing me to the exact moment when my prayers are answered. So let’s tango with the universe for a moment. While I slip into something a little more comfortable… in red this time I think.

And for now, I think I’ll make love back to the universe, just the way it’s been making love to me.