Episode 25: Issa Vibe…

Lovers, kindness, YOU’RE DOING IT ALL WRONG, potatoes, leaderboards, and a whole lot of vibezzzz….

EXERPT:

….You go from: how can I have my needs met? TO, how can I meet my own needs? And from this place of having autonomy, you are then able to better meet the needs of others. If you want to be of service to the world - to be useful - it necessitates first becoming able to be self-reliant, self-regulated & calm. Otherwise you will be inserting yourself trying to “help” other people, but because your own basic needs aren’t being met, you will likely go about it all wrong. Like thinking you know how to fix someone else, or trying to change something or someone for quote on quote, “the better” when really just showing up and asking how you can help, and coming from a place of sovereignty, is far more useful and effective. Because, the other person is completely different from you, and only they can identify what they need. 

And best case scenario, you do manage to be helpful, but you do this at a detriment to yourself. Risking burnout or expending energy you don’t have. And really, I cannot state this enough… if you aren’t doing what’s right for you, then it’s not right for the other person either. 

If you are for instance staying in a relationship dynamic because you are needed, or you believe the other person will not be ok without you, but you desperately want to be THE HECK out of there. THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY HELPING THEM. Remember, folks, that “I only want what wants me” thing I say ALL THE TIME? Well, that’s where this comes into play. I do not want someone to be with me because they feel obligated, I want them to be there because it’s a FULL BODY YES, because they adore me, because they crave my time energy and presence. Not because I have made them feel they should stay. Obligation is not love. Do me a favor, if you are in any relationship out of obligation, take this as a sign, now is the time to leave. Because actually you aren’t doing the other person any favors. You are taking up the space of someone who might actually really really want to be there, who might make the other person feel loved and seen and appreciated in ways you cannot because you don’t want to be in it anymore. If you love them, let them go. Even if they kick and scream, because it is what is best for you both. I have learned this the hard way. I mean, I started this show about unrequited love! For goodness sakes! For real, I HAVE BEEN THERE TOO. But the amount of love and abundance that came pouring into my life as a result of walking away from places where I was not fully wanted, loved & appreciated… was literally unbelievable. I mean still, I can hardly believe my eyes, my heart. 

If you are keeping score… who owes who what, who’s turn is it to show up, you owe me because I did this for you. Then both, YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE SO YOU THINK THE OTHER PERAON OWES YOU SOMETHING (no one who truly gives a gift out of love expects anything in return.) OR SOMEONE IS SAYING YOU OWE THEM. Which means they didn’t do it out of love either! If you are showing up because you think you HAVE TO, not because you genuinely want it, you are creating harm. Now yes, there are compromises we make, yes there are things we don’t necessarily want to do, like the dishes (wow do they get a bad rap) but those things should be small and a part of a well oiled machine that’s primary function and purpose is to keep the love flowing. 

And a leaderboard, a leaderboard is not love.

Folks. I will say this twice. 

A leaderboard is not love.