Episode 26: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

TRASH MUSIC! First date questions. Take care of yourself… Rewrite your story. AT LEAST THIS IS MY DUMPSTER FIRE! I think my funny is broken. LINDA! And also… THIS IS WAR. AND WE BETTER WIN. LOVE BETTER WIN. YOU HEAR ME?

EXERPT 1:

“This week on Sunday nights are for hopeless romantics, I bring to you and extra dose of AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

And literally no title. 

Sometimes this show flows easily out of me every week. And sometimes, only sometimes, I don’t quite know what to say. When the enormity of injustice in the world seems to go on unchecked or without fail - when the world seems to be crumbling around us - I often find it leaves me speechless. Leaves me dysregulated. In times like this I try to go down to the core of myself: the burning love, the desire to put a balm on the suffering world, the deep deep understanding underneath it allll that pleasure and joy are our birthright. And I remind myself that it starts here: inside of each and every one of us. At the depths of our being. With our desire to be held, our desire to connect, to be understood and seen.  It starts with how much we are willing to take responsibility for our OWN suffering, or OWN joy, OUR OWN pleasure. That, if we are able to understand our own wounds, to make peace with them, to hold ourselves with compassion, we are of greater use to the world. Like I said last week. This necessitates that we take care of OURSELVES first. A triggered, angry, suffering human without a place to channel or transform that rage into something, is only going to do harm, to themselves and other people. So where do we start? We start at our core, with our core wounds. We begin to observe - without judgement or shame. We learn. And then we are better able to show up for our communities, for our loved ones. If we are emotionally stable, we are able to hold space for people suffering. If we are financially stable, we are able to channel money into the right organizations doing work to change the world. If we are physically stable, we are able to offer care, cook food, drive deliveries, pick up the pieces. The only way we are going to rebuild this crumbling world is by individually becoming extraordinarily sane, stable, regulated. And by breaking down inter-generational trauma, by breaking down the trauma we have suffered In this life. It starts with you, in your life, in your peace and safety. The safety you are able to create for yourself, in your own life. If you want to change the world, first you must change yourself. What if I could write you the story of your life. Humor me for a moment… 

Let’s use my life as an example. Because duhhh the only persons experience I can talk about is my own. It is all I truly know. 

So for the sake of our story, let’s call her Linda…”

EXERPT 2:

“This world, desperately needs you, TO REST. To learn extravagant compassion for yourself and other people. To smile, to laugh, to make love, to open your heart in the face of a crumbling world. 

So, stop scrolling through the news, and cook your family dinner! Send letters to the people you love that have touched your life. Bring food to your local pantry. Show up. Just show up, and do your best. Even if your best isn’t good enough. And above all else: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Seek counseling, go to that doctors appointment, go to therapy, do it for the people you love if you can’t find the strength yet to do it for yourself.

We need you.

Each and every one of you.

On your fucking A game.

In top fighting condition.

BECAUSE THIS IS WAR.

AND WE BETTER WIN.

LOVE BETTER WIN.

YOU HEAR ME?

And you aren’t nearly as effective if you haven’t eaten, or slept, or showered, or taken care of your own wounds first.

If the medics bleed out, what good will that do the rest of us.

Because there is more coming.

How healthily can we all hold it.

That’s a dare.

Please.

I’m daring you.

To take care of yourself.

Because we need you ready.”

EXERPT 3:

“And…. Alright I know I know none of that was funny. Sorry folks, I think my funny is broken... I spent the begging of this week with a fever (not covid) and I’m a little off. And nothing strikingly wonderful or exceptionally romantic has happened this week. I know, I know, SHOCKING! So, I thought I’d give you a brief and unextraordinary synopsis of my week. I met with a few clients who actually are making great progress. Which is awesome. Yay! And I lay in bed. I lay in bed. A lot. And I made shiitake broth. And I worked on my website - archiving and adding old shows to it. Lots of just listing to myself talk. Also…. So exciting…. And I snuggled my dog. And I went to meetings. And I tallied up receipts, which has to be the most exciting thing to happen this week. And then I thoroughly cleaned my house. And I took a lot of baths. And I wrote a list of things that I have found helpful in the last year for a friend. And I started knitting a scarf. And I drank a lot of turmeric, and honey, and tea. And I got stabbed by needles, and got some chelation (which I am still somehow 2 years later, doing) And well yeah…. TADA!!! There it all is! My magical week… But, remember what I always say, ‘The magic is in the details.’ Because that’s where it all happens. And after a long weekend last weekend, showing up in service of love for the wedding of a friend, this week felt… well… like a little bit of a letdown to be Frank. No I’m not trying to be Frank, I’m Olivia. But you get the point. 

So I thought because the world just seems like A LOT this week, that we would generally screw off, and I will play you a bunch of really dorky girly pop music I listed to a couple summers ago. And we can dance around in our kitchens, and let out literal or metaphorical hair down, and just like shake it out for a bit. So, here is one of my worst guilty pleasure dumb silly songs, “Hillside Boys” by Kim Petras. Really, have you lived until you’ve seen me make weird faces and point at you while dancing and lip syncing to this song? Really? Have you? 

And maybe if you are lucky, later I will read you some of that list I sent my friend who’s been going through a lot of life changes lately of things that have helped a long the way.”